What I Wish I Would Have Known Before I Had My Baby

I recently read a blog post with a similar title to my own, you can read it here. It spoke of the anxieties, fears, and doubts every new mother has and that in the end, it really will be okay. I, for one, can say ditto to that article. Fortunately, I did have someone there to tell me everything was going to be okay, my mother...okay and my husband a little bit. As I pondered on the article though, there were a few things I felt a little bit jipped on not being told.

First, I feel like all new mothers need to be told that it is literally a requirement for you to sleep when your baby sleeps. I'd heard this my whole life, but really didn't take it seriously until about two weeks ago, and my baby is almost five months old. Why is it exactly you want to sleep when your baby sleeps? I'll tell you why, because when you don't sleep your mind starts to descend into this very dark place. When you don't sleep for more than 4-5 hours a night for nights on end, the darkness pulls you down. You get grumpy. You get mean. You get impatient. When you don't sleep, let's just say, you have a better understanding of why those mothers do what they do when you hear about them on the news. Not that you ever could or would do those things, but you have a better of understanding of why they do them...because they are tired (and maybe a little psycho). You cannot be a functioning, purely loving, kind, gentle, and patient mother when you do not have enough sleep. You turn into a grumpy snappy person you don't want to be.

Second, there is nothing in the world that can prepare you for being a mother. Nothing. I'm sure all my readers that are not mothers are thinking, "yes, I've heard that before" BUT NO, YOU HAVEN'T. Here is a little snippet...you are your baby's burp cloth, wipee, blanket, pillow, binky, towel, punching bag, food dispenser, and last but certainly not least, you are their entertainment. Yes, folks, you really are their binky and their burp cloth at times. And whew, you've gotten your lil babe down for a nap, you set the sleeping baby in the carseat, head to the bathroom with said carseat, get the carseat arranged with your precious cargo just so, hop in that much needed shower, lather up your hair, and "wwwwwaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!" So you rip open the shower curtain and try to do a happy dance to get your baby to stop crying all with your hair lathered up and your butt naked body half frozen from the bathroom air. Ahh...the things we do for our kids.

Third, in the beginning, breastfeeding sucks so bad! For the first six weeks of breastfeeding, your nipples will feel like someone took 220 grit sandpaper and went to town on your precious nipples. When you walk outside on a cold day, or heck, walk into a room with the A/C on full blast your nipples will get so hard. It will feel like you have grade A diamond cutters on your chest. It will get better, I promise you, it will get better. Keep at it and use a double dose of nipple cream. I can honestly say there are very few things I now enjoy more than nursing my baby. There is such a sense of satisfaction and comfort knowing that your boob is a cure all. LITERALLY. A cure all!

And finally, I was reading a book, the topic on sleeping and children no less, and it gave me some of the best advice I've ever gotten on how to be a mother. I'm paraphrasing here, but it said something to the effect of: be a mother. You can't be a mom if you are always out and about, going here or there, doing this and doing that. Stay at home and be a mother. Stay at home and teach your children, laugh with them, be silly with them, sing with them, love them. I wish someone had told me that it is okay to just stay home and be with my baby. I don't have to go places and do things to be a good mom....I can stay home and be a great mom! It really doesn't matter if I don't leave the house all day, except to check the mail. It doesn't matter if my hair is a hot mess and I wear sweats all day, that isn't the important thing. The important thing is that I'm a hot mess at home with my sweet baby. He doesn't care, he likes me better that way, or at least that's what I tell myself. ;)

Sometimes I get so frustrated with the concept of being a mother. Why can't I have a second to myself? Why can't he just sleep through the night already? Why will he not adhere to any type of schedule? But at the end of the day, as he nuzzles into my neck, and I squish my lips into his cheek, there really is nothing better. There is this little person that depends on you for everything and you cannot help but love them. You love them so intensely because you love those you serve. I'm not perfect, but the love I have for my little person is. I wish someone had told me all these things, but I guess you can't quite explain "the dark place," dancing butt naked with the shower curtain wide open, rawer than raw nipples, and grungy hair and sweats everyday to a mom-to-be and have her understand the full meaning. Oh well, can't say I didn't try.

Emerson's Grand Arrival

It was Tuesday morning and I knew I was going to be having my baby soon, even though it was a week before his due date. I called my mom, who wasn't supposed to be coming until Saturday, and told her I had been having light contractions all night and that they were slowly becoming stronger. We chatted a little bit longer about more of the nitty gritty details and ultimately decided she needed to change her flight ASAP so she would be here in time for the baby to come.

Even though I was having contractions I was having major nesting feelings, so, chaperoned by Jordan, we washed 3 cars, organized the bathroom, and finished up organizing the nursery. By the end of all that I was exhausted so we called it quits and "relaxed." At about 8:00 that night contractions were, what I thought, pretty strong so we decided to go to the hospital. When we got there I was only 3 cm dilated. The nurses suggested that we do some walking, so we walked. I'll spare you all the details, but in a nutshell, I had my water broken, labored for about 9 hours, and was finally ready to push. By the time my nurse said it was okay to push I not only wanted him out, but needed him out. I started pushing and knew that everything was going to happen pretty fast and furious. It took maybe 10 pushes and he was out! He arrived at 5:35 a.m weighing in at 6 lbs. 15 oz. and 21 in. long. When the nurses put him on my chest it was truly the most magical moment in my life, right after my wedding day. My son was finally here. After waiting three-quarters of a year, he was finally here and I was finally able to look at my baby boy.

 

 Oh my sweet baby Emerson!

I never knew how empty my life was until I had Emerson. He is my sweet little snuggle bug. He is my pride and my joy, he is my sweet little man.

Baby Shower

Before Emerson was born I was fortunate to have two fantastic baby showers thrown for me! One by my cousin Becky and one by my MIL, Marlys. Both were well attended by phenomenal women I admire and love.

Here are a few pictures from the shower thrown by my cousin, Becky.

Yes, we did fondue! 

 

I was completely spoiled!

The whole gang (minus a couple)

Omo and Aunt Heidi

 My fabulous friend Katherine

Another gem, Anastasia 

All the cousins

Marlys and Kylie

The Hostess

This is my favorite picture from the day!!

Unfortunately we didn't get any pictures of the shower my mother-in-law threw for me, but it was just as fun as my first shower! I want to give a special thanks to Becky and Marlys for taking the time to plan and throw me the festive showers. I'd also like to say thank you thank you to all that came and celebrated the beginning of a new life, our little Emerson.

36 Week Pregnancy Update

How far along? 36 weeks

Total weight gain: I've gained a total of probably 30-ish pounds. I'm amazed at that number! Other than the obvious weight gain in my stomach, my body has pretty much stayed the same...I'm sure I'll realize where all the extra weight is all "hiding" after the baby is born.

Maternity clothes? Holy cow yes! Now that I am am almost done and am the biggest I've even been I find that stretchy yoga pants and my biggest lounging t-shirts are the most comfortable, although even those are getting to be on the constricting side! Gah!

Stretch marks? Unfortunately yes. I had some on my sides and those have gone up in number and I did find a couple small ones next to my belly button the other day....sad! I broke down and bought some Bio-Oil the other day. I know I'll probably get more stretch marks, but I'm hoping the Bio-Oil will at least help a little!

Sleep: As with the rest of my pregnancy some nights are better than others. I wake up quite often to adjust sleep positions, which is either my right side or my left side, both are uncomfortable. I'm a tummy sleeper and I can't wait for this lil babe to be here so that I can get back to sleeping on my tummy, when I can get some sleep. More and more often though I am getting only a few hours of sleep during the night and then just rest or take naps during the day.

Best moment this week:  This week when I went to the doctor she was very pleased with the way he sounded, the amount of weight I've gained, and really enthusiastic about my last few weeks. It made me feel great to know everything is going well! I also have gotten a couple massages over the past few weeks and they have been a true God send!

Miss anything? I miss being able to bend over comfortably, for example: shaving, picking up the socks off the ground, tying my shoes, pulling up my pants, getting a good wipe (ladies you KNOW what I'm talking about), sitting at the computer, and the list could go on.

Movement: Very much so! There are days where he is a bump on a log and then there are other days where he is a little ninja. His favorite place to hang out is up in my ribs. I've realized when he starts getting kick crazy, all I need to do it rub my belly, or essentially him, and he will calm down and quit gettin up in my grill!

Food cravings: No dire cravings, but if I see something that looks good I can't NOT get it or else I will crave it!

Anything making you queasy or sick: This pregnancy I haven't had any trigger smells or anything and I'm far enough in that most of that queasy feelings have dissipated. I have, however, been having monster cases of heartburn! :(

Gender: It's a boy! Can't wait to meet my little prince!

Labor signs: Now, since this is the first time I've had to really pay attention to whether or not I've got labor signs I'm going to have to say no. I've been having cramping, but at random times and for no significant period of time. Braxton Hicks I'm sure, but nothing to really note.

Symptoms: This past week I think I reached a "special" point in my pregnancy. For the majority of my pregnancy I've been very level headed and haven't had too many emotional ups and down, but this last week ended that. Most of the time when I'm home I don't know what I want to do, to make, to eat, anything. On top of that there are times when all I want to do is just cry....for no reason at all, just cry. Weird! Still no bloating or swelling, thank heavens. I have raging heartburn, mostly at night. I have been very forgetful lately, coming up with simple words is a constant battle and it is only getting worse! It is getting harder and harder to reach something on the floor or get up off the couch! 

Belly button in or out? For now, the majority of my belly button is in, but there is a small part that is beginning to protrude a little bit...it sure is putting up a good fight!

Wedding rings on or off? AHHH!! I've been dreading this question! I had to take my wedding ring and my other ring off and replace them with bigger sized rings. That lasted all of a week and now my fingers are screaming at me to take off all rings all the time! Bummer!

Happy or moody most of the time: I am happy most of the time, but I did mention before that I'm always in a crying mood. I have noticed that I am a little snappier than usual. Sorry Jordan! :(

Looking forward to: In a week I will be having a second baby shower and I am SO excited for that! I'm excited to see what we get so that we can finally put the finishing touches on the nursery! My mom will be flying down in 2 weeks 6 days.....yes, I'm counting down!! She will be here for 10 days and I could not be happier, it will be the longest period of time I've spent with here in probably 2 years at least. And finally, I am so excited for this little baby boy to come. Very frequently I find myself turning to Jordan and saying "isn't it crazy we are going to have a little baby?!" I say it so often because I am still blown away at how very soon there will be the 3 of us, not 2, but 3!! It really is mind blowing!

32 Week Pregnancy Update

How far along? 32 weeks

Total weight gain: I've gained a total of probably 25 pounds. I'm amazed at that number! Other than the obvious weight gain in my stomach, my body has pretty much stayed the same...I'm sure I'll realize where all the extra weight is all "hiding" after the baby is born.

Maternity clothes? Holy cow yes! I got quite a few tops, a couple pairs of pants, and a couple skirts and wow, they make a huge difference. With normal people clothes I felt restricted, but with the ultra stretchy maternity clothes I can actually be semi comfortable.

Stretch marks? No new ones! I had a couple on my side area and those have darkened, but thankfully no new stretch marks.

Sleep: As with the rest of my pregnancy some nights are better than others. I wake up quite often to adjust sleep positions, which is either my right side or my left side, both are uncomfortable. I'm a tummy sleeper and I can't wait for this lil babe to be here so that I can get back to sleeping on my tummy, when I can get some sleep.

Best moment this week: Now that my prince is getting big, Jordan can feel him on a more regular basis. It is also exciting to have others, mainly family, feel him move around and kick! 

Miss anything? I know how this sounds before I say it, but I miss being able to see my feet. I know I am getting bigger for a good reason and that I will get "back to normal" soon enough, but I miss just having a normal body. I miss sleeping through the night.

Movement: Very much so! There are days where he is a bump on a log and then there are other days where he is a little ninja. Some times I forget that I am pregnant and then he squirms around and I get excited to meet him all over again.

Food cravings: No dire cravings, but if I see something that looks good I can't NOT get it or else I will crave it!

Anything making you queasy or sick: This pregnancy I haven't had any trigger smells or anything and I'm far enough in that most of that queasy feelings have dissipated. I have, however, been having monster cases of heartburn! :(

Gender: It's a boy! Can't wait to meet my little prince!

Labor signs: Occasionally I'll have some Braxton Hicks contractions, but no real labor signs.

Symptoms: Still no bloating or swelling, thank heavens. I have been losing a lot of hair, and in general my hair is limp and lifeless...bummer! I have raging heartburn, mostly at night. I have been very forgetful lately, coming up with simple words is a constant battle and it is only getting worse! It is getting harder and harder to reach something on the floor or get up off the couch! 

Belly button in or out? For now my belly button is in...it sure is putting up a good fight!

Wedding rings on or off? On.

Happy or moody most of the time: Happy! I've been really motivated lately to work as hard as I can to do my part in the finance department so I'm trying to stay focused on the reasons why I'm working so hard and so I'm staying happy.

Looking forward to: We have passed a lot of our "mile markers" (aka 10 week appointment, listening to the heartbeat for the first time, finding out the gender, announcing to family and friends) and so I'm really just trying to enjoy the little things. Jordan and I have become much closer as a couple the last few months and together we are enjoying our last few months as "newlyweds" and finding the joy in the small things.

Jordan and I will be working on a couple big projects here soon, namely getting our headboard finished up and also getting the baby's nursery all put together. I'm so excited to have a room to put the baby's stuff instead of stuffed in a closet!

27 Week Pregnancy Update

Every day I am "filling out" more and more...oh the joys of pregnancy. My little guy is getting strong and expanding his kicking and punching range to include my lungs now! Although I don't enjoy the overall discomfort of being pregnant, I do enjoy knowing that he is in there and that good things are coming from the discomfort.

25 Week Pregnancy Update

Oh wow! I am ready to be done being pregnant! I love feeling all his crazy movements, but I'm ready for him to be here/ready to lay down and be comfortable again.

I'm officially on the countdown. 98 days to go until my due date... who says it is too early?

23 Week Pregnancy Update

How far along? 23 weeks

Total weight gain: Ugh, I've gained a total of probably 14-17 pounds. I went to the doctor a couple of weeks ago and I had gained another two pounds. She said she was very pleased with the amount of weight I have gained and the rate at which I have done so.

Maternity clothes? Holy cow yes! I got quite a few tops, a couple pairs of pants, and a couple skirts and wow, they make a huge difference. With normal people clothes I felt restricted, but with the ultra stretchy maternity clothes I can actually be semi comfortable.

Stretch marks? No new ones! I've started a lotion regimen. I know stretch marks are based on genetics, but I'm hoping that my lotion efforts may ward off at least a few, here is to wishful thinking!

Sleep: Some nights are better than others. I've had nights in the last few weeks in which I only slept a few hours and then there are other nights I have only woken a couple of times to use the bathroom....it really just depends.

Best moment this week: There have been a few times in the last week where Jordan and I have had conversations about the baby and our future and those conversations are so precious to me. 

Miss anything? Jordan and I work at opposite times of the day, me in the mornings/daytime, him at nights, and so I've been really missing him and being able to spend time with him. I know how this sounds before I say it, but I miss being able to see my feet. I know I am getting bigger for a good reason and that I will get "back to normal" soon enough, but I miss just having a normal body.

Movement: Very much so! There are days where he is a bump on a log and then there are other days where he is a little ninja. Some times I forget that I am pregnant and think that my stomach is just twitching and then I remember that it is my sweet little boy reminding me he is there.

Food cravings: No dire cravings, but if I see something that looks good I can't NOT get it or else I will crave it!

Anything making you queasy or sick: This pregnancy I haven't had any trigger smells or anything and I'm far enough in that most of that queasy feelings have dissipated. I have, however, been having monster cases of heartburn! :(

Gender: It's a boy! Can't wait to meet my little prince!

Labor signs: None

Symptoms: Still no bloating or swelling, thank heavens. I have been losing a lot of hair, and in general my hair is limp and lifeless...bummer! I'm very tired most days, been feeling a little plugged up lately, but that should work itself out (pun intended), raging heartburn. I have been very forgetful lately, coming up with simple words is a constant battle. I've been short of breath when I lie down, so that is weird.  

Belly button in or out? In, for sure!

Wedding rings on or off? On.

Happy or moody most of the time: Happy! I've been really motivated lately to work as hard as I can to do my part in the finance department so I'm trying to stay focused on the reasons why I'm working so hard and so I'm staying happy.

Looking forward to: We have passed a lot of our "mile markers" (aka 10 week appointment, listening to the heartbeat for the first time, finding out the gender, announcing to family and friends) and so I'm really just trying to enjoy the little things. Jordan and I have become much closer as a couple the last few months and together we are enjoying our last few months as "newlyweds" and finding the joy in the small things.

20 Week Pregnancy Update

How far along? 20 weeks exactly...or 5 months......halfway!

Total weight gain: Ugh, I've gained a total of probably 13-15 pounds. I haven't weighed myself since my last doctor appointment, so I don't have an exact number...who really cares anyway?

Maternity clothes? Holy cow yes! I got quite a few tops, a couple pairs of pants, and a couple skirts and wow, they make a huge difference. With normal people clothes I felt restricted, but with the ultra stretchy maternity clothes I can actually be semi comfortable.

Stretch marks? No new ones! 

Sleep: The past week has been really difficult for me. I have been waking up every hour on the hour and not getting very restful sleep in between wake ups because of the WEIRD dreams I've been having. I've given up on thinking I'll get a full night's rest for at least the next 4 years.

Best moment this week: Last weekend was my birthday and I had so much fun celebrating with those I love. Best baby related moment? Hmm..I got some really cheap patterns for miscellaneous baby paraphernalia I'm going to make!  

Miss anything? SLEEP!

Movement: Oh yes! It seems like most of the day he sleeps, with a few occasional position changes and exciting dreams, but during the evening I can really feel him moving around and stretching his body out. Jordan still hasn't been able to feel him move, but that will for sure be my favorite moment when it happens!

Food cravings: I haven't had any real cravings, but I'm always up for pickles, salsa and chips, and chewy fruity candy like Mamba, Now and Later, or Chewy Spree!! Yum!

Anything making you queasy or sick: This pregnancy I haven't had any trigger smells or anything and I'm far enough in that most of that queasy feelings have dissipated. I have, however, been having monster cases of heartburn! :(

Gender: It's a boy! Can't wait to meet my little prince!

Labor signs: I don't think so. I've had a little bit of what feels like cramping, but it might just be the little soccer player inside me!

Symptoms: Still no bloating or swelling, thank heavens. I have been losing a lot of hair, and in general my hair is limp and lifeless...bummer! I'm very tired most days, been feeling a little plugged up lately, but that should work itself out (pun intended), raging heartburn, yup that about sums it up! 

Belly button in or out? In, for sure!

Wedding rings on or off? On.

Happy or moody most of the time: The past couple of weeks have actually been a lot better than earlier in my pregnancy. I'm happier and just in general in a better mood.

Looking forward to: I'm really looking forward to Jordan feeling our son move for the first time. Jordan isn't an emotional person and so I pretty much have to guess at most things with him, but last week I did a little snooping and he is actually much much more excited than I thought he was. Makes my heart all gooey knowing how genuinely excited he is.

19 Week Pregnancy Update: Gender Reveal!

Wow, I can't believe I'm already at 19 weeks. And I also can't believe that next week I'll be 20 weeks which is HALFWAY through! Geez! I can't believe how pregnant I am/feel already and I'm only going to get bigger....last half of pregnancy here we go!

As many of you know, last week Jordan and I had a gender reveal photoshoot! Without further adieu...drumroll please!

 IT'S A BOY!

 

Here is the proof! 

 We could not be happier!

Ta-Da!! There you have it! We will be welcoming our sweet little prince at the end of February! Jordan and I are both ecstatic!

I'm sure most moms-to-be feel this way, but I'm so grateful that this little baby is growing and that I can feel him kick and move. I'm so grateful that I did not lose this baby and although there have been/are going to be many challenges in the coming months, my heart is all gooey at the thought of being able to actually hold and kiss this sweet baby and I'm almost more delighted that Jordan will be able to hold and kiss this baby.

 

I would like to give a big thank you and a gigantic shout out to our photographer, Kylie C.! You can visit her website here to take a look at her stunning and all encompassing portfolio.

18 Week Pregnancy Update

How far along? 18 weeks exactly...or 4 and a half months! That is so crazy to me...I'm already almost half way through my pregnancy! Not much time to prepare!

Total weight gain: Ugh, I've gained a total of 10 pounds. My doctor says that is very good considering I'm almost halfway through pregnancy. I feel like I've gained a ton more weight, but hey...the numbers don't lie.

Maternity clothes? No maternity clothes yet. I'm using a hair tie to keep my pants "buttoned" when I actually do wear pants that button up, but most of the time I wear pants with a stretchy waistband. Shirts are still fitting okay, not for very much longer though!

Stretch marks? No new ones! 

Sleep: I usually wake up 2-4 times a night to use the bathroom amidst tossing and turning. I pretty much make a little cocoon each night with pillows so that any way I'm lying I can support my back and my belly. Jordan is loving it because I rarely touch him at night anymore...his dream come true! Haha!

Best moment this week: We found out the gender of our sweet little baby on Monday. That moment was very exciting, but I think it was made even better by the surprise and enthusiasm showed by Jordan and also by my mom.

Miss anything? I don't think pregnancy is too restrictive yet, so no.

Movement: Yes! On Sunday I felt three distinct kicks and I'm convinced I even felt a little kick with my hand! The baby is very active in the morning and when I'm lying down getting ready to go to bed. Jordan hasn't been able to feel anything, but I think he will be able to soon!

Food cravings: I haven't had any real cravings, but I'm always up for pickles, salsa and chips, and chewy fruity candy like Mamba, Now and Later, or Chewy Spree!! Yum!

Anything making you queasy or sick: This pregnancy I haven't had any trigger smells or anything and I'm far enough in that most of that queasy feelings have dissipated. I have, however, been having monster cases of heartburn! :(

Gender: Found our Monday, gender reveal pictures will be ready soon!

Labor signs: I don't think so. I've had a little bit of what feels like cramping, but it might just be the little soccer player inside me!

Symptoms: I haven't had any bloating or swelling, thank heavens. My hair and nails are growing SO fast! Ugh, like I mentioned before I've been having heartburn a ton lately...guess I better go buy some Tums! I've noticed that I snap a little quicker than usual. My poor husband, I feel bad for him sometimes. 

Belly button in or out? In, for sure!

Wedding rings on or off? On.

Happy or moody most of the time: Errr a bit of both!  My emotions & hormones have been all over the place lately and I'm still trying to adjust to that I guess. I would say that I get agitated more easily, rarely cry, and am in a pleasant mood most of the time.

Looking forward to: I'm really looking forward to telling to gender to everyone! I'm also really excited for this weekend. I'm going to a gigantic consignment event where I'll hopefully be able to get some maternity clothes and other needed baby items at a steep discount...holla!