Sunday, July 20, 2014

Self Realization

Over the past several weeks I've had a lot of time to think about myself, my family, my future, and many other personal things. After reflecting on these things I have had a huge realization about myself that cuts to the core of who I am and has helped me recognize the more "mysterious" traits about myself.

When I met my husband I knew right away that he was one of the most driven and ambitious people I had ever met. We often spoke of what it was like growing up in our separate and very different home atmospheres. He told me several stories and experiences of how his dad taught him to think for himself and disregard others opinions when forming his own thoughts and opinions. I thought this was a very special character trait of his that was unique to him in our relationship. Over the past four years with my wonderful husband I have wondered often if I was an independent thinker, if I was ambitious, if I was strong, and if I was driven. I've always heard the phrase "opposites attract" and in more ways than one Jordan and I are very opposite. But could that mean that because he was ambitious that I was not? That because he was earnest to succeed, I was not? I was, in all honesty, not sure. In the afore mentioned past several weeks, there was a lot of self doubt and uncertainty going on in my mind. How could I teach not only my son, but my other future children to be strong, to fight for a passion, and to think if I, myself, were not or could not do those things. And then I had my huge realization...I am those things!

Now, ya'll are probably thinking "we already knew that!" or maybe you aren't, but c'mon folks...we are our own worst critic.

My realization came right after I spent 4 hours researching how to make a quiet book and different designs for pages within said quiet book. 4 hours. It may seem silly, but this is the honest to goodness truth. I may not be ambitious about starting a business and earning a six figure income, I may not understand accounting, despite my high school teacher's best efforts, and I may not "think for myself" when it comes to non-imperative issues, but I truly am passionate, talented, smart, and creative. My husband may say slightly obsessive, which is probably true, but I hear "driven" or "enthusiastic". I realized my husband and I are very similar in the characteristics we inherently have, but how those traits are manifest are very different.

When you are at home with little ones as your only companions it is easy to lose yourself in the nursery rhymes and poopy diapers. Despite the monotony of every day life, I'm more sure of myself, my purpose, and my abilities than even before. I know who I am within and that knowledge is priceless.